How to survive a divorce

Every day throughout our lives, we have some changes. Some of them are insignificant, so we do not even notice them. Others are joyful, so we try to bring them closer and, in the country, to keep them. Sometimes we have to endure and take something for granted, and sometimes to lose, moreover, irrevocably. It is always problematic to part with a loved one and dear person, and it is especially difficult to survive a divorce if you love. But it is necessary to survive this difficult stage correctly - do not hesitate to seek help from friends, relatives or specialists, because it is not for nothing that the divorce takes second place in the ranking of the most powerful stresses.

How to survive a divorce painlessly: parting

More recently, everything was fine: the first "I love!" And a marriage proposal, a white dress and a Mendelssohn march, timid attempts by a joint life, confidence in tomorrow and a complete feeling of happiness ...

Like the fragment of the human world - yesterday you did not dull the souls in each other, and today - strangers or even implacable enemies. It is very difficult to balancing on the verge in such a situation, so many couples decide to disperse so as not to spoil each other's lives. If such a desire is mutual, then the parting will not bring a lot of mental torment.

It is much more difficult to restore mental balance, if the decision of the second half is unexpected - like a thunder among a clear sky, after seemingly happy months or years of marriage. It is not easy for those who have the second half of the family “out of love”, since surviving treason and divorce is much more difficult: the feeling that the partner preferred someone else instead of you, very painful.

The reasons for the parties of the spouses are very diverse, if you clearly be aware of what happened, you will not lose yourself and recover much faster.

How to survive a divorce: in search of causes or excuses?

Analyze your life: is it necessary to fight with all your might for what you had, or perhaps a divorce - is this the best that happened to you lately?

As you know, each family has its own “skeletons in the closet” and each family is “unhappy in its own way”. Nevertheless, after analyzing your situation soberly, you can arrange all the dots over I. Specialists of the statistical department note that today the following reasons for the divorce are most often found.

Incompatibility of characters as an occasion for a divorce

Very often in the first days of love, we do not actually see what our object of passion is. We are simply passionate and do not notice those “nuances” of behavior and character that we will need to live in the future. Yes, and what a sin to hide-we ourselves in the "candy-bouquet" period are trying to present ourselves only from the winning side. Moreover, often, having played, we or our partner, we can play our “role” year, two and five.

As a result, after the wedding and joint life, it is found that we have no contact points - we are completely different: thoughts, plans, leisure, biological rhythms - everything does not coincide with us.

The image that was in our minds collapses:

1. It turns out that the spouse or spouse has a lot of harmful, bizarre or stupid habits.
2. It turns out that the partner cannot compromise and refuses to negotiate.
3. It turns out that spouses can no longer pretend that they have common interests.
4. It turns out that husband and wife are no longer so valuable by the society and attention of each other.

Passion passes, love and tenderness replaces it, in turn, these feelings replace friendship, respect and, alas, habit. If during this period, and he is difficult for every family, a man and a woman do not learn how to value each other, reckon with a partner and feel responsibility, then, of course, the question arises - “What does we keep us together?”

If the couple cannot find the opportunity to live together, then it is best, of all, to divorce. Why torture yourself, your partner and children (possibly future).

Dependence as a reason for a divorce

Alcoholism, drug addiction, meadowomania (gambling) and the like dependences of a person on some external stimuli, of course, is a very tragic situation for the family.

To live with a person who, for the sake of another “doping”, is ready to endure the last from home is difficult and scary. But quitting and divorcing is also not easy, as the partner is really sick and he needs help.

If one of the spouses decides to divorce a dependent person, he needs courage and determination. Most often, not everyone can handle it alone - if necessary, you need to ask for help from a stronger person. But the divorce in this case is the right decision, however, the opinion of people is afraid of many that, they say, everyone was abandoned "in difficult times." Do not be afraid of condemnation and disapproval - you are one or one in your own, and you have one life, you should not spend it in vain.

Household violence as an occasion for a divorce

It used to be believed that “if it beats, it means that it loves”, today psychologists say completely different. A man who hits a woman is an unbalanced despot, a tyrant who is thus asserting. He beats a woman, then children. And women hide bruises, sob at night, and then forgive, but continue to live with a tyrant.

At the same time, some representatives of the fair sex justify husbands in every possible way until the terrible happens - either a woman or a child dies from the sadist's hands.

Divorce is the most ideal option in such a situation, but not many women understand this, since they do not know what life is without fear of beating.

Betrayal as an occasion for a divorce

Treason, after which one of the spouses “makes a pen” and, along with a suitcase, leaves a disgusting nest - this is one thing. Here you want, you don’t want, but the choice is not great-you won’t be forcibly sweet.

But there is an arc of a case: a one -time betrayal, after which the spouses try to maintain relationships. Forgiveness or divorce - here everyone should decide on their own. This is the most difficult choice that the spouses face, so the solution of this problem lies in the plane of the relationship between the husband and wife: how warm and trusting are they, why did the betrayal arose, is the joint future possible?

This is a very difficult decision-you should not take it hastily, you need to carefully consider everything, weigh, calculate, and only after that choose the right, in your opinion, answer.

Children as a reason for a divorce

Marriages break up even because of children: either because of their presence, or because of their absence.

1. Inability to have children. The desire to have a child soon or later visits all families. If one of the spouses is barren, then this may well cause a divorce. But many couples with dignity came out of this situation, for example, lived for each other, adopted children from orphanages, engaged in charity, contained shelters for homeless animals. But many were divorced - in principle, this is a very weighty excuse, if you do not take the moral side.
2. Unwillingness to have children in one of the spouses. A slightly different picture is a man and a woman, both are healthy and ready to continue the genus, but one of the partners categorically against this. For example, women are afraid to lose an attractive appearance and a slender figure, and men - they love themselves very much and do not want to share the attention of their wife with anyone. Sometimes psychologists can solve this problem - if the problem is really psychological, and its “legs” grow from childhood. But sometimes to convince a partner that “children are flowers of life” is unrealistic, and, therefore, the spouses cannot be seen for spouses. Is divorce justified in these cases? Experts argue that selfish behavior may well serve as an excuse.
3. The birth of a child. Particularly banal, but the coming into our world of a new person may well cause a divorce. Very often, young fathers simply can not cope with the fact that someone else appears in the tandem of loving people. From now on, this small screaming bundle takes all the attention of the wife. Paternal feelings of a couple to the maternal instinct, so often at the moment when a woman needs male care so much, she is left alone. A man, as statistics shows, can leave his family “for a while” - he continues to take care of his wife and child, but in order not to scandal, he lives separately (either he is with his parents, or his wife), but as a baby) It will grow up, the family is united. Sometimes a man leaves for good, forgetting that he has a child and a wife, who is very difficult in the postpartum period. Basically, such families are not reunited and divorce, alas, is inevitable - this is a matter of time.

How to survive a divorce with a husband

Representatives of the fair sex are much more complicated by changes and mental torment, so they have to be much harder when parting, since it is not easy to survive the woman’s divorce due to the psycho -emotional state.

Women need a person to whom they can tell everything that they have accumulated in their souls, to cry and get, of course, support. It can be mom, sister, girlfriend.

What can be advised to women in such cases?

1. Sincere conversation for tea or wine (each his own).
2. Do not stay alone at night - an overnight stay with a friend or in the company of friends is perfect.
3. Do not remain alone with their thoughts-work, children, hobbies should not suffer due to the fact that you are getting divorced.
4. If the first days you want to cry, cry! If the soul hurts - give free rein to tears, do not keep everything in yourself.
5. Do not suffer for too long - prolonged depression is very difficult to treat.
6. If you have no one to talk to (yes, and this happens), look for a forum on the Internet where you will help you speak out, comfort and help with advice and warm word.

How to survive a divorce from a wife

Men worried about divorce not like women - they are a strong floor. It is difficult to meet a man sobbing into a vest after a divorce - it is much easier to see him drunk in the company of friends. Many men, after wives leave them, try to leave their heads to work, computer games, hobbies, booze, party.

Often, men are shy about talking to heart even with very close friends or parents, but believe me, there is nothing shameful in this-if the soul is sad, a strong floor needs to speak out like a man. True, this requires special conditions - for example, go fishing with your father or with a friend to hunt.

How to survive a divorce for a child

Of course, children suffer most, because they experience the divorce of parents much sharper and more painful. It is parents who are able to do everything possible so that the divorce of parents at a minimum affects children.

1. To help the child survive a divorce is your holy duty, since children are just hostages of the ambitions and actions of parents.
2. It doesn’t matter how old the child is five or fifteen, you must talk with your child, explain what is happening.
3. In no case can hatred of a spouse or spouse be transferred to a child.
4. Never speak badly about mom or dad - for the child his parents are the best in the world.
5. Never insult each other with a child - respect yourself and your child.
6. Explain that in spite of everything, even if parents will live separately, will manage new families, other children, they will still love their common child.
7. Convince the child that the second parent will be able to meet him at any time, as soon as he needs it.

How to survive a divorce: the first days of loneliness

Divorce is sad, but to recover faster, you need to decide why you are bad and what oppresses you. The most important thing is that we do wrong - we think about “how bad it is for us”, without realizing, in fact, the size of this very “how”, and most importantly, we do not realize “why” we feel bad. From this, of course, we are “sick”. It will help to understand and put everything in circles of your rather simple training - you need to write the reasons on a sheet of paper why you are bad. Just keep in mind that you all must write honestly.

How to survive a divorce: how to take yourself

The main causes of depression after the divorce:

1. Love for the spouse (wife).
2. Fear and fear of loneliness.
3. The sense of the owner.
4. Habit - there is a man nearby (woman).
5. Fear of change.
6. Pity in relation to oneself.
7. Pity in relation to children.
8. The betrayal of the partner.
9. Refusal to perceive new life, etc.

Carefully analyze your own list that you have. Think which of the points is the most painful for you. Think about what you need to do in order to exclude the points that you wrote. Think about exactly how you get rid of this list - this will undoubtedly cheer you up.

For example, you are afraid of loneliness, but you have wanted a dog for so long, and your second half was against it - here's a reason to get rid of loneliness and fulfill a long -standing dream. Or, for example, you are used to the fact that a partner is always next to you, but for so long you wanted to go abroad with friends, and your spouse did not let you go - why not a reason to fly to Paris or London?

How to survive a divorce: what to answer relatives and friends

Limit the circle of loved ones who will know the true cause of the divorce.

1. The rest of the rest can be answered painfully banal: “There is no love”, “Tired of pretend”, “We became strangers”, “We decided that we would be better apart”, etc.
2. Refuse disrespectful reviews about the second half (even if it is the initiator of the divorce).
3. Try not to show in public what you feel. Your pain will finally pass in a month or two, and people will remember you with a weak person.
4. It is not worth everyone (whoever wants and who does not want this) tell the details of the divorce (see point above).

How to survive a divorce: how to calm down

Soul pain is what there is no medicine from. It must be filed, taken out and experienced.

1. Do not get involved in antidepressants - experts argue that if you live the first few days without drugs, then you will quickly cope with stress than when you take sedatives. Otherwise, the cure may drag on.
2. It is still better for people with weak nerves at night to take sleeping pills, but do not look at the overdose - a fatal outcome can bring. Self -medication is fraught with negative consequences - consult a doctor who will advise you the drug and choose a dosage for you.
3. Drink herbal teas, for example, with mint, linden or lemon balm.
4. Alcoholic drinks do not bring calm, they only temporarily drown out the pain, but after sobering the pain will roll with renewed vigor. As you know, the frequent use of alcohol leads to bingering and alcoholism.

How to survive a divorce: the first weeks of independence

Perhaps the word divorce no longer scares you, as before. You began to establish a new life and try your best to make it joyful and worthy. Start by reconciling completely with the loss of a life partner. Love yourself and pay attention.

How to survive a divorce: how to put up

1. This is the most difficult to come to terms with the fact that from now on there is no more family. If we throw aside the moral component of this fact - we have already written about this earlier, it is necessary to solve two more important issues: financial and housing. If you have housing and permanent income, then it is much easier for you than those who are forced to be left without housing and livelihood. Experts claim that you should not humiliate yourself and ask for money from your former half. Limit all possible communication - so you will come to terms faster with the fact that from now on you are strangers. An exception is the presence of children - to discuss the issue of alimony as early as possible.
2. Make nothing to remind of your second half - it will cause nostalgia, which will lead to depression. Take away photos, gifts and all those things that remind of a partner. Keep composure - you should not get a photo album and sob over it for hours. Yes, you were happy, but this is all in the past - you have to live on. Belief, in the future you will be even happier!
3. If you did not have joint children, then your loneliness will be perceived at the physical level. Make yourself a pet you need to take care of.
4. Relax and try to realize that the divorce has already happened and there is no return back - learn to live yourself: walk, meet friends, go to work, go to relatives, etc.
5. Pamper yourself! Buy some kind of trinket that you have long dreamed of or a new dress. Go to a restaurant or a cinema (only for a very funny comedy or a horror movie). Visit a hippodrome or casino. Order home pizza or sushi. Take a bath with rose petals and listen to relaxing music. Arrange a bachelorette party or a boyfriend and invite strictizers, in the end, you are now completely free and should not report to anyone.

How to survive a divorce: learn to live in a new way

1. No one is so dependent on their appearance as women. Experts strongly recommend that the beautiful floor not forget that after a divorce life is only beginning! Change your hair and hair color, lose weight or vice versa - get better. Change makeup and clothing style. By the way, these tips are perfect for men! Make a new haircut, grow a beard or save a mustache (or vice versa). And instead of a business suit, buy sports.
2. Agree to a meeting, attending trainings or a seminar that you have heard about for a long time, but you had no time to go. Get ready with your friends for meetings that you previously ignored due to the presence of the second half, etc. This is normal, since you can survive a divorce fun and completely unreasonable.
3. As soon as you think more restrained and reasonably, emotions will settle a little, and the pain will dull, you must try to forgive your husband or wife. Do it sincerely, take it in the shower and let go of your second half. Only after that you will begin a new and full -fledged life - as soon as you let go of your past.
4. Communicate with the opposite sex - you can start via the Internet if you are afraid in real life! Flirt and flirt, communicate on different topics, set dates and ... fall in love!
5. Is there life after a divorce? Undoubtedly! It is difficult to survive this period, but it is quite possible! Moreover, very many become happy in repeated marriages! Just do not deny yourself the pleasure - live, do not close yourself in four walls and do not limit your life!

How to survive a divorce: a psychologist's advice

If it is very difficult for you after parting, it is better to contact a specialist - an experienced psychologist will help, since it is very problematic to survive a divorce without emotional torment. Most often, experts advise:

1. Set real goals.
2. Do not save negativity.
3. Do not become close inside yourself.
4. Engage in pleasant pastime.
5. Do not gossip.
6. Do not take revenge.
7. Do not rush “into the pool with your head” into other relationships.
8. Forgive.
9. Switching to something new, previously not available.
10. Do not "bite" yourself from the inside.
11. Forget about your past.
12. Do not criticize yourself and do not allow to criticize yourself outsiders.
13. Do not put a cross on yourself and your life.
14. Do not set up children against the father or against their mother.

Video: how to survive a divorce

Good and, most importantly, effective tips on how to survive a divorce gives Dr. Kurpatov.